Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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