dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you had me at cake vodka
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"