Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.