i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"