Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
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my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
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Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving