you guys were way drunker than both of me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
