I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
