I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
