god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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