This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize