it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
