Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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