I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
