M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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