I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
