I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
how does that bad decision feel?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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