I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
