she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
