if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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