is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
