Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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