i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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