one might say we're banned from that church
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
