Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.

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  (413): Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot. http://tfl.nu/sr3w
  Replies (19) Good night (9287) Bad night (1160)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.

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  (740): i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/envw
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.

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  (414): Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done. http://tfl.nu/pg78
  Replies (25) Good night (785) Bad night (6675) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable

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  (773): she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable http://tfl.nu/h8f0
  Replies (17) Good night (6230) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate

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  (804): it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate http://tfl.nu/8imj
  Replies (18) Good night (1788) Bad night (4605) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  ...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.

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  (507): ...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back. http://tfl.nu/m5i6
  Replies (6) Good night (836) Bad night (3089) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.

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  (504): Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know. http://tfl.nu/t1mp
  Replies (7) Good night (2813) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally

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  (484): seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally http://tfl.nu/s3gk
  Replies (25) Good night (2439) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
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  (+84): View more from

  he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.

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  (+84): he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man. http://tfl.nu/6dx4
  Replies (3) Good night (1685) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life

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  (850): He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life http://tfl.nu/ihqi
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth

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  (712): Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth http://tfl.nu/h1gj
  Replies (10) Good night (486) Bad night (1275)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left

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  (208): I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left http://tfl.nu/jhm7
  Replies (4) Good night (928) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number

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  (870): He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number http://tfl.nu/tvhj
  Replies (7) Good night (410) Bad night (1777) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.

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  (573): I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso. http://tfl.nu/7zvg
  Replies (2) Good night (642) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?

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  (416): How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard? http://tfl.nu/770q
  Replies (15) Good night (664) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt

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