Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."