either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell