I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
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I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk