Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
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How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on