on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize