I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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