I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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