Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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