I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
