Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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