i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
