Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
