I hope mine doesn't look like that
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm always down for nudity.
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