The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
