So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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