I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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