you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
