I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How does one acquire holy water?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
