I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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