you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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