Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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