i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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