and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
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In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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