Already got asked if we're dating
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
