just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
