Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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