apparently the secret to your success is patron
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
