You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
