Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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