it was like his penis was on wheels.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
