we're blogging at a bar
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
