Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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