Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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