I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
