Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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