we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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