I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
