i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
