Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
