i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
