I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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