You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
