How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
