Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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