in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
